Clearing Personal Relationships

As the spine and spinal cord – the central nervous system – becomes free of holding on to frozen tension patterns through NSA chiropractic care, the unresolved effects of stress and trauma cease to have a gripping effect – so the person is no longer compelled to react like a “puppet on a string” during such encounters.

Nonetheless, there are a few helpful guidelines, along the lines of what’s recommended by certain coaches or therapists.

Tips for “clearing the air”

1) Take a few moments of honest reflection to be clear on what really got underneath your skin. Does it have to do with something that seems to occur repeatedly in your life? At times, it may all be internal – the feelings you feel compelled to hide or something about your own behavior that’s bothering you. Once you ‘clear the air’, the energy used to hide whatever is owning you will become a transforming, liberating experience.

Whether it’s your behavior, that of the other person, or both, a repetitive pattern requires the same innermost reactions, the same reactions which will attract the same characteristic events to occur over and over again. You may even feel a subtle or not so subtle sense of tension somewhere in the body as you reflect upon this, which will be greatly enhanced when using the somato-respiratory integration procedures.

It may not be what someone said or did. Sometimes it can be the mannerisms, the tone of voice used, or just a look on someone’s face.

Whatever it is that’s triggering your reaction, or the same familiar story showing up in your life, your life story will not change until something new and refreshing can be discovered. Find something inside to inquire of that’s not so easy for you to have a quick and ready-made answer for, something to honestly wonder about. Same questions, same answers, will yield nothing new.

2) It’s time to ‘clear the air’ with the other person. You must be honest, emotionally transparent, and completely candid with what’s going on inside of you. With regards to what you remember seeing, hearing, physically feeling if there was touch involved, smelling,… any of the five senses involved in the event that triggered your reaction. Steer clear, at this point in the conversation, of anything that has to do with interpretation of the other person’s behavior.

Only after you have clearly stated what you remember observing, making it clear that it’s only what you remember observing, as oftentimes it won’t be how the other person remembers the same event, or even if they remember, do you own up to what you made it mean. Stating your interpretation of the event or events must then be stated as just that. “This is what I made it mean.” Or, “Whenever I see this I notice my initial reaction is to fly off the…” Or, “Whenever this happens, I ….” In other words, instead of accusing or attempting to control the other person, you’re reporting your innermost reaction as it is. Reporting your reaction to something only as how you remember it, without insisting that your memory is factual, or implying that a different memory of the same event must therefore be wrong. Nothing more, nothing less. Your focus is to reveal without manipulating.

Emotions are there to move you. Allow whatever emotions arise during the conversation to naturally dictate your tone of voice and mannerisms.

It’s time to let your guard down for whatever is keeping a story you have frozen in time, regardless of how accurate your story may or may not be.

3) After carrying out steps one and two, if you feel that there is the need; Make the request, or ask of, what you would like to see addressed. Maybe there’s a question you would like the other person to consider answering, perhaps to further your own understanding. Or perhaps you feel a request on your part is in order. For situations that are not to be tolerated, your request may need to be in the form of making it known that you will stand your ground as needed – that a certain boundary is not to be crossed.

However, in the situations in which you want to be open to the possibility of a greater, mutual understanding, if any request or inquiry is in order it must be made with the heartfelt intention that both of you have a valuable relationship, and that both of you are capable of growing personally stronger through the intimacy required in being honest with each other. You can even state this intention to introduce the conversation outlined here, so that both of you will be on board for hearing each other out. Without this intention on your part, your request or question is going to sound like a demand, re-igniting the same, familiar confrontations that have strangled the relationship.

If these guidelines sound beyond your reach for following with regards to a relationship perhaps you’re currently finding most troubling, or if you would simply like to gain some practice in being true to who you are while relating to other people, you may want to explore coaches whom I believe passionately advance these principles in their training.

Sources that I know of:

This man, as his very helpful website demonstrates, must surely be a great coach.

That’s how I happen to know about him.

With much appreciation & gratitude to Clara Griffin, Raven Dana, and Brad Blanton. I know, a sledgehammer was needed from time to time for getting Dr. Steve out of his head.
Dr. Steve

not to mention her sister, Sue Ann Lewine – two NSA chiropractor colleagues of mine who were also instrumental in my life.

As far as I can tell, Tony Robbins’ passion must surely be the biggest powerhouse I know of for arousing the passion in others – the passion of knowing who you are, what you’re all about, and living your life as a vitalizing expression of your heartfelt conviction.

< Back to SRI Stage One Stories for other topics – Healing, Sports, & Public Presentation.

< Back to main page of SRI in Action